Fear sits in the back seat of my car-
I saw him in my rearview mirror.
His name is the pit of my stomach.
He is the face of a boy
Who tells me his father
Will beat him
If he fails.
Fear is the father.
My skin is a sack
Carrying the raw red meat of me.
He is closing the distance between us.
This is what I dread most.
The space and taught wire
Of the moment before a kiss
And a trap is sprung.
I know him.
He turned away from me
As the wind blew dust into my eyes
My hands open and close against themselves
I flutter like a moth at the window against the panes.
I’m lying on the floor again;
Watching the tile as I walk;
Holding my head as I sleep.
If I didn’t look back I wouldn’t see him.
But there he is-
Pressed into pills on my bedside table
Squeezing my stomach with a cold hand
A familiar love
Cold tongues of water lapping
at my feet.